Momma
Momma Talk
I just returned to Hawaii to start living here for the school year and now it is time for some Momma Talk! My daughter and I (hubby is coming in one month to join us) arrived at my friend’s Ohana, which she described to me as rustic. In Hawaii rustic can mean anything. I should have known better. It was a disaster…cob webs of dog hair, a weird buck-toothed dog who was always drooling and big scary barking dogs next door. The Big Island is famous for their big, barking mean dogs.
I soon discovered that the rustic Ohana was actually roach infested. I am a total roach phobe so I had to find a new home fast for the next 3.5 weeks. I really needed to work and I knew it was going to be impossible until I found a new place.
So I got on the Internet and scoured around looking for new places…what an adventure that was. After days of crazy meetings I arrived at the perfect spot and said I would happily take it. On my way home from the laundromat where I washed our clothes to keep the roaches from moving along with us, I decided to be courteous and call back the people that I was not planning on renting from. Only I accidently called my “perfect” house and canceled. By the time I realized my mistake an hour and a half later, I called back and found out she had rented to someone else.
Well, I ended up finding a delightful room for my daughter and I with one of the grandmas at my daughter’s new school. Decided to take the place even with the limited Internet. Figured I would work something out…
In the meantime I am supposed to be working on this new blog and the houses we are building here in Hawaii.
I wonder… How do we bring us back to wholeness? How do we connect and embrace our archetypes like the great mother, queen, bitch, child and nurturer? Is it possible to raise children with a partner in suburbia and still be a sexy, self-assured fulfilled woman?
How do we even think about this with life swirling all around us? I get so exhausted just writing this all up.
A Circle of Women
The one thing I have found that helps really keep my SANITY is finding a circle of women to support me. Since the time I was pregnant I have had a women’s circle that I could depend on. When I lived in NY my birth doula and I decided to set one up. We came up with the format that night and I am happy to report that the circle is still going strong 9 years later. These became women who really saw who I was…women I could share anything with. Friends who are able to guide me and call me on my shit! When I visit NY I always try to coordinate it so I can be at a circle. The only time in my married life I did not have a circle was in FL and that is where I was the least happy. Now I have a circle both in Hawaii and NC.
I really encourage the women out there to start their own circle. It is not that complicated and it makes a HUGE difference in your life. Don’t worry about assembling the perfect group. If you need women look on the Internet…a clear intention is all you need! The idea is to make a sacred time to be with other women.
These are some ideas to create a circle of women:
Light a Candle
Smudging – This is a beautiful Native American tradition. Each woman takes her turn saging another woman in a circle to help everyone get present and in the moment and to leave the day behind. You just burn sage in a bowl and fan the smoke.
Do Business – Briefly attend to business…things like where do we meet next time, what are the plans, etc.
Check In – This is where the women have a chance to check in and catch everyone up on what is going on. Usually this is no more than 3 or 4 minutes.
Planned Exercise or Continued Deeper Sharing – In our circle in NY each of us would take turns hosting and leading the circle. Usually we planned an exercise like a guided meditation, partner yoga, creating a prayer flag…it was amazing all the gifts we had to offer. My other circles focus more on a second round of deeper sharing sometimes around a topic. You can combine both an exercise and deeper sharing. I am sure the women you gather can figure it out. Do not go over 10 or 11 because it becomes too hard to share. Plan on 2.5 to 3hours. We did it in the evening and if we had babes in arms we brought them along.
Closing – Have a reading or a song, some beautiful way to end the evening. Blow out the candle and leave tired but invigorated and ready to face the world again!
A wonderful book that will help you put together your goddess circle is Sacred Circles: A Guide To Creating Your Own Women’s Spirituality Group
